I’d rather be Cinderella

Today, I’m wondering how I grew up to be a feminist, why gender equality was and still is one of the main agendas of my life, I don’t know when I wanted to break the stereotype of a pretty girl and become a successful one, an independent one, a talented one, a smart one, just like most men in my culture. I don’t know when, and why, and how. Because today, I’m sitting where I wished to be ten years ago and contentment is the farthest thing it seems. I’d rather be Cinderella, dreaming of a prince charming for freedom and my rescue.

I wish, like most of those I knew, I’d dream about a prince to come to my rescue, to be married off and be taken care of, provided for, forever. I always was the one on the horse you see, haha, ironic, isn’t it?

My grandparents told me to be myself, live freely, soiled thoughts of individuality and rights in my mind, books taught me better than to judge others and my religion helped me understand the essence of life, it’s not in comparison but unison. At 21, I was a fully formed woman, like many other out there, I believed in myself and looked out for myself, always finding a balance between the desires and the right, always tried being ‘good’ and as much as I loved being my individual self, I allowed myself to follow what was taught to me by my parents, elders, religion, friends, the world. This world. That was my mistake.

I put others before me for more than half my life, from tiny negligible things to major life changing decisions, didn’t complain, didn’t regret, it worked out good for everyone. Till I considered myself among the ‘everyone’.

I miss my old self-today because I can’t find it in me anymore, I can’t put others before me, not when my world was deprived of someone to do the same for me. At every point in life, I achieved more, more than needed, more than asked, more than expected, more than my peers did, until it became a habit, a tradition. I made lemonades all my life and in the end, it didn’t even matter because who asks what you got, they don’t look at what you did but what you have in the end. The road doesn’t matter to anyone, not that it should, but why then, do I put them before me and make my life unnecessarily deprived.

I worked up my way on the metal ladder that life blessed me with, no silver spoons, no diamond glass, only earth and metal and I used every last ounce of it. I climbed to where everyone couldn’t and was proud of myself. Was, because I was made to believe that there isn’t a thing to be proud of.

Everyday is a struggle for me, I wish to know if there’s someone out there experiencing the same, or someone out there who knows and understands if not going through it, I wish to know its not that I’m too whiny to be happy. I’m a career oriented women, I’m one of those who feel that work is as important as family, likely, I’m very particular about my mental and physical health. Most days I’m told how I need to focus only on looks and disregard health, physical or mental, to look beautiful. My skin, my hair, my complexion, my weight, all is a matter of public discussion, its sad and some days they get to me, making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

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What books would you recommend to Lupin? | Harry Potter MOTW

Harry Potter Moment of the Week is a feature started by Leah over at Uncorked Thoughts. The idea is to get Harry Potter fans together and discuss our favorite things about the series; be it a favorite moment, character, magical item, spell, quote or object from the books, films or J.K Rowling herself.

For this week We’re talking about the Book recommendations to Lupin! oh how much I love this week’s topic!


First of all, let’s look at Remus Lupin!

He was the only child of the wizard Lyall Lupin and his Muggle wife Hope Howell. Lyall and Hope’s first and only child, Remus John, was born after a year of marriage. A happy, healthy little boy, he showed early signs of magic and both parents imagined that he would follow in his father’s footsteps, attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in due course.

Remus wasn’t born a werewolf, rather bitten by Greyjoy as a revenge after his Lyall publicly shamed him on his identity.  Grew up isolated from the world and feared by his parents until Dumbledore found and took him to Hogwarts, he was closest friends to James and everybody’s favorite; Sirius. Nicknamed ‘Moony’ and Dark arts professor in the third year of Harry potter, let’s think what book would I recommend to one of my fictional favorite.


so what books would I recommend him?

  1. Five People you Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

    We don’t need a reason to love five people, its poetic, its beautiful and its definitely a must read for all who felt like their life had no or less meaning.

  2. The Problem with Forever by Jennifer L. Armentrout

    One of the most underrated books I’ve ever read. It’s about foster care children who undergo a lot of torture and live traumatized by it. Lupin could read this and let go some of his childhood’s hostile memories, if not recover from them.

  3. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho 

    Because its my favorite and moony’s going to love it too!

 

 

Wedding Planning Fiasco

The thing is everything is going to make you wanna cry, Everything (almost)!

I was in denial for the most part of my engagement, I didn’t want to think about the marriage as it didn’t only freak me out, it also made me avoid my fiance. I wasn’t ready then, I doubt I’m ready even now but that’s to discuss for another today. Today, I’m definitely not in denial. Today, I’m planning (read freaking out) for the wedding and it’s a disaster.

First of all we don’t have a Big Day, we have a Big fat week! yea that’s right, a whole week of events and gatherings and guess who pays for it all? Well, the girl and her father. What shit, right? Right! Although I wouldn’t complain a lot as my man and his family have been beyond supporting, we’ve shared major expenses and he’s always been considerate of my wishes for the wedding, him and his family have fallen out the stereotypical wagon and have not once placed any deranged demand for dowry or like. Which is yet another topic for another post, for now I’m going to share a little bit of my madness with you in a hope to keep my mind sane, and my job (I don’t talk/write bullshit for a living- I actually research and run projects- yikes!) intact!

So yea, why is everything (and everyone) going to make you cry before your wedding? Because you’re either going to be so emotionally happy about it or completely mad. Let me give you some context here, I was ordering my invitation cards and I’ve been designing them in my head for a while now. I researched and picked ones that I liked the most and made a few alterations in my head. Now, normally I would be flexible ( or not, but meh) but I wanted the details to be precisely as I instructed and no one, including my dearest mother, would get how desperately I wanted so and I ended up being frustrated so much and to the point that I would cry. I spent 43 days of finding vendors, explaining designs and being told how what I ask is not possible or suggested to go with their catalog design, 43 days of sharing pictures and details with vendors all over the world in a hope to find the one that would comply. I thought of changing designs but that only made me more sad as its not what I want and since I would rather not marry in the first place, the overwhelm took over. 43 days and some three digit vendors later I did find one that made similar traditional cards and well then it took another week to be on the same page for the price. In the end, it worked out and I cried because I was happy to have it off my Everest-like To-Do list.

That brings me to the next point, you’re going to spend so much of money and you’re going to regret each ounce of it! Self-righteousness takes over your mind and heart but doesn’t takeover you and hence you do spend (read waste) money on things you desire oh so badly and then stay up all night contemplating your expenses and how your being in budget and all didn’t help at the least.

‘I’d rather do charity than a feast of three days for 400 people each.’

‘Let’s spend all that money on honeymoon instead of a fancy gathering.’

‘Building a house or investing all that money is better than wasting it on a party!’

‘How do these people afford such extravagance, I’d never spend that much amount on decorations or clothes.’

Wondered that?  Said that? Well, I’ve been there, done that! But if you’re going to turn all Chandler on me, let me tell you its not just a party!

I’m really, really particular about events and this ones my very own. I try to work on smallest of details for birthdays and even presentation days, I don’t want to let go the one week that I’m probably going to remember for a long, long time, if all goes well (in shaa Allah) I’ll remember it forever so I might as well work on it. Yea, I’ll try not spending all of the money I don’t even have.

I’ve been pretty organized with my planning, got journals and lists and folders but that doesn’t reduce the stress, not at the least. The variety you have for the smallest of details is overwhelming but welcome, the interference of all those relatives and neighbors on the other hand, isn’t. You’re already worried and freaked out, they need to add the sour icing to your salty cake.

God forbid, you thought it was your day. well its for all your family, immediate and extended, its for them to rejoice and gossip and discuss until the next wedding comes along. Sad, I know, but when you’re deep in the planning, its hell and it makes you cry all the same as it would when you gotta repeat your exam because your answer sheet got lost in the crowd. Not your fault, can do nothing about it.

An advice, don’t ever get sick or pick up an illness that affects your lifestyle a year before the wedding, no one understands the emotional and mental trauma you’re going through and it just makes it impossible to focus on anything but.

And in the middle of all this, if your career is growing and demanding more of you, well good luck to you!

The Weight Loss Paradox

“Are you tired of trying to lose weight with PCOS and it just not working?”

You’ve tried every diet there is. You’ve stuck to it to the letter and nothing works. You sometimes even put MORE weight on.

Sound familiar? Well, you’re not alone and it’s not your fault!

You’re unhappy with the way that you look and feel. You watch the numbers on the scale slowly creep up week after week. Your other PCOS symptoms start getting worse. Something needs to change.

So, you do the right thing, You cut out soda, and start going to the gym, and try to eat healthy…and maybe even join a weight loss club if you’re really serious.

But let me ask you a question…Are you actually losing weight?

Are the numbers on the scale starting to go down? If you’re like many women with PCOS, the answer is simple… No! All your hard work is not paying off.

In fact you’re probably even putting on weight because you’re focusing on the wrong things. The wrong kinds of foods, the wrong exercise, the wrong approach.

The Weight Loss Paradox: How to Lose More Weight by Not Focusing on Weight Loss

It may seem counter-intuitive, but experience has proven it time and time again: The second that you STOP focusing on weight loss and start focusing on the core of the problem (PCOS), the numbers on the scale begin to move.

Why?

1. Women with PCOS have Problems with Insulin

One of the core problems with PCOS is that the beta cells of our pancreas cause us to release too much insulin. Insulin is good (in the right dose). It moves sugar from our blood stream into our muscles. But it is also responsible for storing fat. If you want to lose weight, you need to manage your insulin.

2. Women with PCOS are Hungrier than Normal after Meals

The hunger hormone, Cholecystokinin (or CCK for short) is lower in women with PCOS. This means that we are hungrier than normal after meals. And interestingly, low CCK is associated with high testosterone levels (something we women with PCOS also struggle with). So, if you can manage your PCOS, your levels of CCK will improve, you won’t eat as much and you should start to lose weight.

3. Women with PCOS have a slower metabolism

Not only are we hungrier than normal, we also need less calories. It’s a double whammy. So, you need to make sure that you are eating the right kinds of foods that are going to help you feel fuller for longer, while managing your caloric intake.

So, going on your standard diet is just not going to cut it. You have to tailor your weight loss plan to control your PCOS and balance your hormones.

 The PCOS Weight Loss Execution Plan is a carefully laid out mini course with 9 information packed sessions. Each session provides a combination of video, notes and handouts, designed to solve the PCOS weight loss puzzle piece by piece.

In this Execution Plan you’ll learn:

  • Why insulin is problematic for women with PCOS and how it contributes to weight gain
  • Which foods will help to manage your insulin and your PCOS
  • How exercise contributes to your weight loss and what exercise is best for weight loss and PCOS (Hint: you don’t need to spend hours in the gym)
  • How many calories you should have a day and when you should have them (this matters)
  • Steps to take to start your weight loss journey

For those interested, you may order here.

For those of you still reluctant, follow the other remedies to start fixing your diet today!

Favourite Dean Momement | Harry Potter MOTW

Harry Potter Moment of the Week is a feature started by Leah over at Uncorked Thoughts. The idea is to get Harry Potter fans together and discuss our favorite things about the series; be it a favorite moment, character, magical item, spell, quote or object from the books, films or J.K Rowling herself.

For this week We’re talking about the Favorite Dean Moment and I cheated a bit for this, thank you Pottermore!

Extract from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling

‘And your name is?’ Professor Umbridge said to Dean.
‘Dean Thomas.’
‘Well, Mr Thomas?’
‘Well, it’s like Harry said, isn’t it?’ said Dean. ‘If we’re going to be attacked, it won’t be risk free.’

‘I repeat,’ said Professor Umbridge, smiling in a very irritating fashion at Dean, ‘do you expect to be attacked during my classes?’

‘No, but –’

Professor Umbridge talked over him. ‘I do not wish to criticize the way things have been run in this school,’ she said, an unconvincing smile stretching her wide mouth, ‘but you have been exposed to some very irresponsible wizards in this class, very irresponsible indeed – not to mention,’ she gave a nasty little laugh, ‘extremely dangerous half-breeds.’

‘If you mean Professor Lupin,’ piped up Dean angrily, ‘he was the best we ever –’

‘Hand, Mr Thomas! As I was saying – you have been introduced to spells that have been complex, inappropriate to your age group and potentially lethal. You have been frightened into believing that you are likely to meet Dark attacks every other day –’

‘No we haven’t,’ Hermione said, ‘we just –’

‘Your hand is not up, Miss Granger!’

Hermione put up her hand. Professor Umbridge turned away from her.

‘It is my understanding that my predecessor not only performed illegal curses in front of you, he actually performed them on you.’

‘Well, he turned out to be a maniac, didn’t he?’ said Dean hotly. ‘Mind you, we still learned loads.’


 

I always liked Dean, he’s the good addition to the diverse mix, but I don’t recall one in perticular that I’d say is my favorite.