Time to Leave

I’m standing still in the middle of my messy room, all my stuff is out on the floor, the bed and everywhere else. There are clothes I don’t wear, shoes that don’t fit, socks missing a pair, bags that are worn off, sheets that are ripped from edges and wires, so many wires for what I’ve no clue.

I finally lift my head up after what seemed to be just a minute of numbness, it’s been three hours, is it?

I haven’t packed, my shelf is dusted and clean but, the rest, why do I have so many of things that I don’t use or need? How come I wasn’t aware of all that occupy my life, my space, where do I pack these? Why do I pack these?

I know I’m wasting time I don’t have, any minute I’ll hear them calling for me to leave for good, how does one leave home?

I don’t care if it’s bigger and better, it’s no good if it won’t carry any memories of the life I’ve built, no stains of my past, no dirt from my existence, why move to an empty white from this beautiful colorful mess.

Do I even make sense? I don’t even know where to start from, the stationary that can be replaced or the collectibles that my mother calls trash. Can I end myself in this moment and dig up a grave for my soul in this place right here? Let my body wander off to wherever it’s destined and I stay safe in my cocoon that holds all of me in every ounce of its space.

With that thought , I shut my eyes again, this time, letting it consume all of me, bits and pieces, and then they call and it’s finally time to leave, I hear them and stay, for as long as I’ve got, gathering my memories and locking their faces in mind, tears and pain, numbness and relief.

Then they say again, ‘it’s time for her burial’.


I’d rather be Cinderella

Today, I’m wondering how I grew up to be a feminist, why gender equality was and still is one of the main agendas of my life, I don’t know when I wanted to break the stereotype of a pretty girl and become a successful one, an independent one, a talented one, a smart one, just like most men in my culture. I don’t know when, and why, and how. Because today, I’m sitting where I wished to be ten years ago and contentment is the farthest thing it seems. I’d rather be Cinderella, dreaming of a prince charming for freedom and my rescue.

I wish, like most of those I knew, I’d dream about a prince to come to my rescue, to be married off and be taken care of, provided for, forever. I always was the one on the horse you see, haha, ironic, isn’t it?

My grandparents told me to be myself, live freely, soiled thoughts of individuality and rights in my mind, books taught me better than to judge others and my religion helped me understand the essence of life, it’s not in comparison but unison. At 21, I was a fully formed woman, like many other out there, I believed in myself and looked out for myself, always finding a balance between the desires and the right, always tried being ‘good’ and as much as I loved being my individual self, I allowed myself to follow what was taught to me by my parents, elders, religion, friends, the world. This world. That was my mistake.

I put others before me for more than half my life, from tiny negligible things to major life changing decisions, didn’t complain, didn’t regret, it worked out good for everyone. Till I considered myself among the ‘everyone’.

I miss my old self-today because I can’t find it in me anymore, I can’t put others before me, not when my world was deprived of someone to do the same for me. At every point in life, I achieved more, more than needed, more than asked, more than expected, more than my peers did, until it became a habit, a tradition. I made lemonades all my life and in the end, it didn’t even matter because who asks what you got, they don’t look at what you did but what you have in the end. The road doesn’t matter to anyone, not that it should, but why then, do I put them before me and make my life unnecessarily deprived.

I worked up my way on the metal ladder that life blessed me with, no silver spoons, no diamond glass, only earth and metal and I used every last ounce of it. I climbed to where everyone couldn’t and was proud of myself. Was, because I was made to believe that there isn’t a thing to be proud of.

Everyday is a struggle for me, I wish to know if there’s someone out there experiencing the same, or someone out there who knows and understands if not going through it, I wish to know its not that I’m too whiny to be happy. I’m a career oriented women, I’m one of those who feel that work is as important as family, likely, I’m very particular about my mental and physical health. Most days I’m told how I need to focus only on looks and disregard health, physical or mental, to look beautiful. My skin, my hair, my complexion, my weight, all is a matter of public discussion, its sad and some days they get to me, making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

Don’t get Harassed.

Seriously, what special kind of a fool are you?

I hear people suggesting to ‘Move on’ ‘Learn to Ignore’ ‘I’m sorry’ on most of the harassment matters, funny how I’ve never heard the same comment passed for those robbed, mugged, killed, tell me, when was the last time you requested of the victim to be careful not to get robbed or killed. Just what I thought.

The hate we have for those who steal, break, kill, rape, varies on the extent of their crimes, it’s funny how Harassment is only considered ‘unethical’ and not ‘illegal’ save for some places, many of which account it as merely a document and less than an active practice.

I’m done trying to not be harassed. Educate your children better, specially your sons, teach them better, make them better. Please. Because when you don’t they raise up to become offenders of the worst kind, how is it worse you ask? Because unlike criminals they hardly get penalized, hardly learn from their mistakes, hardly given a chance at correction, because unfortunately, most of the offenders don’t even realize their major offense towards those harassed, unfortunately, again, its women.

I’m not okay with men being harassed either, not at the least, but within my social circle and online community, I’ve never come across a case where a man was harassed and then offended, also I’m not a man so I’d leave their fight to them. Today, I’m speaking for women, all women, of race, ethnicity and gender without borders and boundaries. I don’t ask you why? I don’t expect an answer or a reason, I urge you to stop! Stop the behavior and habit of publicly or privately being unkind to women, anywhere, anytime, anyone.

If you’re unsure of what counts as harassment, its saying anything to a stranger you wouldn’t say to your mom or your sister. Even when you want to flirt, it can be done ethically, restricting yourself to a manner that is respectful, kind, and compassionate. Don’t ever make her feel like an object, but that’s what you do, all those pickup lines out there, personifying women as some sort of object to enjoy is offensive too and throwing it to her at the most inappropriate of places at the most inconvenient of times, you must be seriously deranged. But no, you’re an average boy too smart for your own good, you feel its funny sometimes to comment on a girl like that, you think its daring to be able to sing a useless line to her, or whatever else goes on in your pea sized brain, its not. It’s not daring, smart, or funny. Not at the least. So please, stop.

I wouldn’t tell you how to approach someone you like, but I’m sure of one thing, you possibly can’t be in love with a stranger in a day so never ‘confess’ it to her in a day either, and never comment on her body and expect her to respect you in return, even when complimented, she’d never take you seriously if that’s what’s on your mind.

I wish people would stop commenting on girls to be careful and act better and start educating men around them, of all age, of all kind. There is no man too young, just like you put it ‘ there isn’t a girl too careful’. Although the latter seems to boil off my nerves, but I’d let it slide by just as most of you would request me to.

Before I end my post, this isn’t a rant, it’s not just some topic I chose to babble about today, it’s a matter we need to address every single day in a hope that it would reach the right people and save if not all, at least one victim from the humiliation.

I’ve been harassed online, in a game and on social media, on places where the only info displayed was my sex: female, what do I take from that?

I’ve been harassed offline, in hospitals and schools, at malls when with family, what kind of protection do you expect me to have in an educating institute or when with my father?  Don’t suggest me ways to be careful, don’t dare say to another woman that it’s somehow her fault she got harassed, if that’s what you feel, I’m sorry you lack soul and dignity but I’m also glad, because only one who haven’t been harassed can go around saying that, expecting that.

Beard is not Islam.

Dear People of this world,

The heartless souls of the ones responsible for the attacks on civilians worldwide, the extent of hatred and darkness embedded in their evil dark mind is truly inexplicable. Their actions are beyond an ordinary man’s understanding. I don’t even consider them humans, let alone Muslims. It’s unfortunate enough that we home such filthy of animals, don’t make it any worse by calling them Muslims, don’t dare mark them the scholars of Islam. My religion preaches justice, it embraces kindness, Islam is about humanity, about peace, about brotherhood, above all, My religion is about harmony. Whatever school of thought you belong to, regardless of your actions and beliefs, if you’ve ever truly read/heard about Islam, you know it only talks about peace.

It’s devastating to see innocent lives taken away with such brutality, what makes it worse is the relation we derive based on physical appearances.

Beard is NOT Islam. Period.

Our hearts are filled with deep remorse, our consoling words make no difference to the miserable and tragic-filled lives of the parents, siblings, family, friends of the hurt, the deceased, the whole of the world is filled with terror, every human drowned in disgust and agony. The feeling so strong that it pinches every time you blink, so terrifying that all of life suddenly turns meaningless.

You can’t make it better no matter what you do, no amount of money, time or comfort can ease their pain. Nothing can soothe their broken hearts, their shattered dreams, their damaged home. No luxury can replace the sight of their dead!

No matter what you do, you can never feel our pain. We all lost our people that day, We, Muslims have lost an innocent part of us. The least you can do is, avoid your pointless logic of relating Islam with what it’s far against of.

With deep regrets and raging anger,

What Steve Jobs said before he died

Steve Jobs, the founder of the Computer Company Apple, died in 2011 after a long battle with cancer. Read what he wrote a few days before his death:

“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success. However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to. At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death. In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life support machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of God and of death drawing closer…

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

Should be something that is more important:
Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days …

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.
God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.

The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me.
What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love. That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.

Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world? – “Sickbed” …
You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you. Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – “Life”. When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – “Book of Healthy Life”.

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down. Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…

Treat yourself well. Cherish others.”