Forgotten secrets 

Everything was simpler when I was a kid, I looked at adults and wondered why they don’t they simply say and do as they feel. 

As I grew I cursed education for being unnecessarily complex, that math and English could be taught in so many better and useful ways, that accounts was as basic as language and geography but made complicated by us. I thought relationships would be so much better if kids ran them as adults act weirdly. I remember questioning friends on keeping secrets, why wouldn’t they share it with their beloved, is it that they trust no body?

I grew up but never became an adult , my questions remained, my struggle however grew. Turns out nothing is simple after all, I do things I don’t want, say stuff I don’t mean, love what isn’t really clear to me, all for what I don’t know. 

As long as I can remember I’m trying to figure things out, life around me, people and places, behavior and relationships. As long as I can remember, I’ve wished nothing more than to be ordinary, in all ways possible, love and live simple, be simple. But it’s been so long, so many years, seems like I’m only going far, messing up my life and relationships in the process, leaving scars that I’m afraid might remain longer than I can handle. 

Tugging on that last piece of hope so hard that the thread might just break from the pressure. Of what’s left from the good and the happy, I’ll hold on to every last piece, for some day, somehow, someone perhaps, would figure it out  if not fix it for me. Till then, trying and pretending is the way to go, live and be, how they expect, to as much extreme as possible. Because as much as people like to brag about themselves, no one knows better, they see, hear and believe what they want, prefer and like. So go ahead and try your best but hey, it won’t be enough, can never be, as long as it’s just for you, in that case, simple is good.

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3 thoughts on “Forgotten secrets 

  1. It was so nice of you to write this one out, I loved it really. I can so easily relate to it and yes we feel exactly like that about how we were young, and how we see the world now.

    Yes as kids I did think that why would adults act the way they do, it was weird as to why they fall in depression and why they do these certain things which seem insane enough to us. I always thought about what they say love is and is it really that deep how they describe it.

    Its funny that I still sometimes wonder as to why people commit suicide and why they fall in depression for we have Allah, who is our saviour and our Lord so why can we fall out of his mercy and forget that he’s there watching our suffering asking us to just not give up for the failure of the next world is so much greater than the one in here.

    Liked by 1 person

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