Everything was simpler when I was a kid, I looked at adults and wondered why they don’t they simply say and do as they feel.
As I grew I cursed education for being unnecessarily complex, that math and English could be taught in so many better and useful ways, that accounts was as basic as language and geography but made complicated by us. I thought relationships would be so much better if kids ran them as adults act weirdly. I remember questioning friends on keeping secrets, why wouldn’t they share it with their beloved, is it that they trust no body?
I grew up but never became an adult , my questions remained, my struggle however grew. Turns out nothing is simple after all, I do things I don’t want, say stuff I don’t mean, love what isn’t really clear to me, all for what I don’t know.
As long as I can remember I’m trying to figure things out, life around me, people and places, behavior and relationships. As long as I can remember, I’ve wished nothing more than to be ordinary, in all ways possible, love and live simple, be simple. But it’s been so long, so many years, seems like I’m only going far, messing up my life and relationships in the process, leaving scars that I’m afraid might remain longer than I can handle.
Tugging on that last piece of hope so hard that the thread might just break from the pressure. Of what’s left from the good and the happy, I’ll hold on to every last piece, for some day, somehow, someone perhaps, would figure it out if not fix it for me. Till then, trying and pretending is the way to go, live and be, how they expect, to as much extreme as possible. Because as much as people like to brag about themselves, no one knows better, they see, hear and believe what they want, prefer and like. So go ahead and try your best but hey, it won’t be enough, can never be, as long as it’s just for you, in that case, simple is good.