I knew why it was happening, suddenly all my dreams and desires crashing down into pieces. Tears couldn’t stop flowing and my heart sank down and ached so hard I couldn’t resist but to scream silently. The life I was living all these years was a fake, anything and everything I had, had disappeared into thin air, and all I could do was sit and stare. I thought I tried to run after it, but how wrong I was.
They accused me of not understanding, only if they could understand how I felt! It hurts not to see what we’ve been going through, it hurts to see that I do so much and no one cares; it hurts to see how I’ve made sacrifices that are of no value to anyone but just me.
I don’t wish for anything but to be a better person, how I regret all I’ve done, all I still do … I wish I so wish I could change myself. Why is it so hard to forget, and harder to forgive. Why does it seem impossible to end something that has no future, something that is though pleasurable but hard to survive? Something I never wanted to start, something I won’t ever be ready for.
And once again, despite many friends, I’m alone. It’s nothing that I hide or I can’t say, it’s just everything I never said. Is this me? I often wonder asking myself, will I be this way forever? Or will I be the person I loved to be? You took away all that was charming about me, left me in darkness surrounded by tears and sorrows, and my soul drenched in pain.
I want to stop blaming you, stop blaming all those I indict, but looks like I’ve no control over my feelings. One thing that didn’t change about me, that one thing which I’m not very proud of, I’ve always put relations and emotions above my life, I was never my priority but you and others.
I’m tired, from whatever all this is. Tired of thinking, tired of knowing all that I wish I didn’t. I can’t help it anymore, I write because I can’t tell anyone. I write to make myself feel better. How can I hate you, I’m supposed to love you, respect you. I’m obliged to be there for u, its nature and its life.
The chill I can feel in my body right now is awful, I want to make it stop; please make it stop for me. Please!
I’m done cursing myself for the miserable life. But no, I won’t accept that this is my destiny. I refuse to believe its fate and you can’t do anything about it. I lived with a hope, will always live with a hope.
I believe, even if I’m crushed and all dried. I believe there is at least one light that would shine upon me. I am well aware of my sins and my good deeds, and only I know how bad and deep the regret is. I know I am good, better than many, and I know I will pass through this. I know I’m not alone; it’s me and my writing, together we’ll pass this aching mile.