I do not know where to begin. The worlds have changed since you and I have been on one end. My heart aches from the hollow that you left behind, all those years ago, when you said goodbye.
I’ve aged another year, they say I’ve grown to look much like you, I disagree, you definitely beat me to it. Like in everything else. My dear sister, I miss looking at that lovely face of yours, you definitely took after mother. You wouldn’t be much glad to hear that I no longer envy your fuller cheeks, I graciously fluffed my own.
Emily, all are well and good, the kids miss you though, they ask me if you’re upset from them for the last time. I hear about their mischievious break in to your cupboard and the later consequence every other week. They need me to tell you they’re terribly sorry. I need to tell you, I’m terribly sorry, I gave them the key.
Dad has been ill, Emily. I find no familiarity in his lifeless eyes , he’s become more like you. Restricted. Gathered. Except there’s no glee, nothing charming anymore left of him inside his motionless body.
Mother lives deprived of days, no sense of night or daylight, I see her purposelessly wandering around your room and fathers. I wish I could console her, contain her, like you once did. I wish I had some words to speak.
You’ve always been their favorite Em, they always loved you more. You’ve always done so much good, you’ve simply been better. All are good and well, Em, because this the best they could be.
Remorseful life surrounds us all, all our lives filled with agony now that you’re so faraway. My dear, beautiful elder sister, you’ll never read this letter, like the other 19 ones I wrote. 20 years to when you were gone, when father held your cold blue hands in his for the last time, when I saw his eyes say more then in the past 19 years together.
20 years to our last day together, to when you whispered ‘I forgive you’ in my ears but your eyes told another story. I cannot confess to the horrors I’ve done, another year maybe, in my next letter perhaps?
I miss you Em, And I’m sorry.