I got engaged to a friend, and fell for him.
Fell hard. It was different than they said it would be.
Life as usual was unexpected, and I somehow ended up graduating in Business in a mediocre University in Lahore, Pakistan. It was a shock to many as they always pictured a nerd like me going into a medical college or like. I, on the other hand, felt quite content. Not only I studied what interested me, but also something I could be potentially great at. I met many people, some very different, others even more alien, and made friendships I cherish till date, and will for a long, long time.
Moeed, my fiance, is among those dear people that I met back in 2010, when I first came to UCP ( also first time living in Lahore). I discovered a lot; like many university students do, about myself and about life. Mostly about myself.
2012 brought what was least inevitable, a girl who cringed at the name of marriage, someone who planned on sewing her face into books and taking her doctorate certificate to grave, finally fell for a guy when she least expected to. (the likliness of her falling in love was like umbridge being our favorite!)
I never had a crush until I was 20, my friends would vouch for that blindly. People always asked me, and the only men I actually liked or looked upon were; my father and Coehlo. My heart never opened up to anyone and I felt no guy is smart enough or good enough (and being a big fat geek didn’t help much either). I never saw anyone, not until Saturday; 23rd of June 2012. I saw him alright, something just clicked. I knew him before that, but on that day I saw myself finally opening up to the idea of tying my life with another person.
In denial, of course, I let myself believe that the infatuation would die in a day, for the rest of the week. I believed.
I left the country on 27th of that month. Hearing me talk about a guy was new to my mother, but knowing how I was, she did pay attention. Nothing changed much though, except nothing was the same anymore.
2014 came in a very long time, Moeed became more than a friend and I learned what it was like to feel your heart at home. It was an experience, really, but not one I heard about. Nothing like how I pictured or perceived it to be.
We never talked like others ( the ones around me, of my age and older) did, we never behaved like others did, we were never like a couple, really. But something was there, something beautiful. It was like my crazy matched his crazy.
I talked and he listened, I laughed and he smiled, I was me and he was him. No changes or compromises, no restrictions or control, nothing physical, nothing emotional. Just as I was all those years, happy and content, being me, now I was me with him.
2014 officially engaged us, families met, rings exchanged, if Naiha ever get married, it had to be Moeed. Life is uncertain, our needs and wants are too, but if he were the one wasn’t uncertain anymore, I knew it, I felt it, I saw it.
2 years past, everyone around me perceiving, judging and suggesting, I wish I could hold out a mirror to my heart to explain it to the world. The relation between a man and a girl can be much more than what I was told, what I had seen, what many still believe and what they tried to impose.
All these years I’ve been with him, I’ve only had a friend and nothing more, sometimes a brother, sometimes a sister, he’s been there like a mother, protected like a father, he’s been a teacher and sometimes a child, he’s been patient and sometimes aggressive, he’s been gentle but harsh when needed. He’ve let me be me, and lived it with me, he let me fall down, and then lift me up. He let me be free, himself too, free with me.
Thankyou Moeed, you’ve been the best.
Happy 2 Year Engagement Anniversary to you – Hope the years to come are fuller and better. Till then, You know my heart and my soul will have that huge spot booked for you, always…, and forever.
Because my dearest Elmo, your crazy matches my crazy!